i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
