I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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