Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
