Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
