i just wanna soil my oats bro
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
