I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
