Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
id be glad to
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize