You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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