i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
