Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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