you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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