sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
