so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
