its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
