I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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