just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found puke in my bra..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
