I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
