You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they need to just BURY HIM!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
