This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
