at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I love you.
Bad choice
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