he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
