the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
