apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
