I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
