So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
