Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
