Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
