You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
