So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
