Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
