I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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