I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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