i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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