i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
