Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
