I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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