You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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