did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
