I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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