you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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