I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
