I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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