Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
