my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
