he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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