Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
