Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
