Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
