It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
