How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
