Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
