I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How naked do you want me to be?
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