He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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