Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
