I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
