he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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