WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
