i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
