this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
