did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
