Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
