I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
