It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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