I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
