Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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