Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
