:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
