Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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