I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
