I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
