our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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