Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
