I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
