can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
