If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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