can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
